A mental health nurse raised to believe men don’t cry. When his youngest son died in 2009, David Kernahan’s grief fractured everything: his marriage, his faith, his sense of who he was. Sixteen years later, he shares how suppressed emotion, hidden authenticity, and the choice to find beauty became the path to peace.
David Kernahan grew up in a strict Baptist minister’s home in Scotland, shaped by the unspoken rule that men don’t cry. He became a mental health nurse and led not-for-profits serving homeless men in Perth, driven by genuine compassion but also by an invisible need to prove his worth. His father never saw this work as valid. It felt like nothing he did was enough. Then in 2009, his youngest son Matthew fell three floors and died after a month in intensive care. The grief was total. It fractured his marriage, forced him to face thirty years of suppressed emotion, and ultimately revealed a sexual identity he’d spent decades hiding. Over sixteen years, David moved from acute grief into what he calls integrated grief. He learned to hold loss and beauty at the same time. He rebuilt his relationship with his ex-partner on terms of dignity and kindness. He stopped performing for approval and started living authentically. Today, David talks about grace not as religious comfort, but as a conscious choice to find humanity and meaning even in the hardest moments. His story speaks to anyone carrying suppressed childhood wounds, anyone questioning whether their service work is genuine or a cover, and anyone navigating grief that reshapes everything.
David Kernahan is a mental health nurse, not-for-profit leader, and father of four who spent a decade working with homeless and vulnerable men in Western Australia. After leaving a career in ministry…
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses grief & loss, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you’re not alone — help is available:
• Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au
• GriefLine: 1300 845 745 · griefline.org.au
🕒 CHAPTERS:
00:00 The weight of being called a failure
04:47 Scotland and the silence of grief: learning men don’t cry
09:44 Finding his tribe in mental health nursing
14:01 Serving the vulnerable, rejected by the church
20:09 The long journey out of the pulpit and the gravitational pull of faith
26:11 January 18, 2009: the phone call and the month in ICU
31:03 Keeping vigil: honouring Matthew’s autonomy and saying goodbye
34:26 Choosing beauty and grace in the wreckage of grief
39:22 Integration and authenticity: becoming whole after 38 years of hiding
46:45 Burnout and knowing when to step away
49:45 Healing with an ex-wife: achieving what few couples do
52:14 Pathways to grace: beauty, awe, and the ordinary life well-lived
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Welcome.
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Kintsugi Heroes was created from a simple belief: every person has a story worth sharing, and sometimes the story we need to hear arrives exactly when we need it most.
Our name comes from the Japanese art of Kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired with gold. Rather than hiding the cracks, they are honoured as part of the object’s history. We believe people are much the same. The experiences that challenge us, break us, shape us, and help us grow are often the very things that connect us to one another.
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Here you’ll find six podcast series, each sharing stories through a different lens:
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• From There to Here, hosted by Emma Bellamy-Dodd
• Golden Threads: Stories of Disability & Resilience
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